Member Posts

Current Music: In My Arms, Plumb

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So. This is turning into A Thing

A little bit ago, 4thewords suffered a bug that wiped out quite a number of words. Most were able to recover them; I was not. It’s killed my motivation to write, so I’m not writing, and I’m getting depressed about it. I need to figure out how I’m going to recreate those words, but it’s such a big task, it’s overwhelming. I don’t know how to handle this.

Last night I asked Cal if he thinks we chased the mice away, because no one had seen or heard one in like a week. The moment the question was out of my mouth, we heard utterly *desperate* scrabbling from the recycle container. Cal put another bin in it to contain them; didn’t crush them, because there was stuff in it, of course. He took it out to his work and let them go this morning.

I’m either going to go back to sleep now, or play Breath of Fire 3 a bit. I’m edging to more sleep, but I don’t really want to do that. I’m just so tired…

(no subject)

Haven't sorted out a ride yet on account of I forgot BUT I do know my mom is off tomorrow. The recycling center I want to go to isn't as far away as I thought either; I've just only been there on the way to work and that affected my perception. I should have all my donation items ready to go, too, so that'll be taken care of in one trip.

Not gonna put a lot of effort into my actual rearranging tomorrow. Instead, I'll focus on getting more to-sell stuff listed and prepping my space for the storage pieces I'm looking to find. I need some kind of rack or tower for my physical media and I want something along the lines of a Rubbermaid set of drawers for paints. The smaller storage I want to replace my canvas cube drawers can wait for now. My current setup doesn't especially lend itself to easy access but I don't need to easily access much just now, so it isn't a priority. I want to do something new with my crochet and sewing supplies but I'm still deciding on what. I can't remember if I mentioned last time but I'm planning to go back to a higher-placed, horizontal setup for Travis and that'll have to wait, too, since of course I want to get the new tank and whatever it'll be sitting on at the same time. I do need to be thinking about what I want him sitting on, though, and how I'll want to utilize that space. Maybe I'll actually just set my physical media to the side for now and get an entertainment cabinet to set Travis up on.

Not having all the furniture quite in place means I still won't be putting my wall art back up yet but I do think I'll play around with my displays a little. At the very least, I need to make some final decisions about what toys are staying and what toys are going. There are several that I still like as individual items but they don't really go with anything and I only have so much space.

All that said, my main goal for tomorrow will be to work on the fake plants for my sister-in-law. I've chosen the patterns and the yarn, just need to buckle down. I also need to make a decision about the pots I'll need to make. I've seen people crochet with old grocery bags and I think that's what I want to do, to give the pots and plants a different look. I'm worried it'll look tacky for decorative pieces, though. I suppose I can make at least one and if I don't like it, I'll still have a functional little basket I can use; just gotta add handles. I'm not especially looking forward to the handfeel of crocheting with plastic bags but I am excited to try something new to me.

Current Music: In My Arms, Plumb

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Grocerying grocerying grocerying

Gonna go grocerying soon. As soon as my stomach settles from breakfast, I think. I might take a zofran. I don’t know. I think I might need it today.

I feel icky in general today, but the heat’s finally broken, so I’m hoping to be able to enjoy some time outside.

I texted an older friend I haven’t heard from in a while; I know him through his wife, we used to work together. She had a stroke a couple years ago; he said that she’s improving every day, and that he’s preparing for retirement! Happy for them. I’m a little jealous that Mom’s stroke lead to her death; not that I want Ellyn to have died, absolutely not, but why couldn’t Mom have recovered, too?

I feel like a horrible human being for this.

We’re going to be going to see them sometime in July, hopefully. It’s been a long, long while, and I miss chatting with Ellyn. I might text Orlando, too, if for no other reason than to ask him if I can buy the computer off him. It’s been, gosh, three years? Four? I think it’s time.

Anyway, going to go to the grocery store in 8 minutes, so I better get going.

(no subject)

Something is wrong with my sister's car yet again. One of those "could be fine for a month, could stop working tomorrow" sorts of things. So, it'll be a few days at least that she can't risk driving me. Boo. Worse, though, we had plans this weekend. Not much in the way of plans, since I've got things to do, but it involved taking some stuff to Goodwill and some stuff to recycling. More specifically, it involved taking some foodstuff to recycling. Aaand I've already been keeping said foodstuff longer than I meant to, on account of forgetting it when I took my cardboard earlier this week. Here's hoping I can get another ride...

Yes, I know, I should really go about getting a license already. But between the DMV hours being more or less my work hours and the fact that I still wouldn't reliably have a car anyway, it's hard to keep it at the top of my mind as a priority, y'know?

Anyhow, one more work day to go before I really have to worry about it. My brother might be able to take me, not that I think he'll be keen on it since he hates driving anywhere more than ten minutes away for an errand and I need to go closer to twenty minutes away. Dunno when my mom works on Saturday but she might be my last resort. We'll see.

SPEAKING OF WEEKENDS. KINDA. CLOSE ENOUGH. I just realized that the Fourth is on a Friday this year-- three-day weekend coming up fast!! :D I had to pause my rearranging due to lacking the storage solutions I need to get some stuff put away properly but if I can get all that figured out next week-- which I should be able to, since I get paid-- I can use that extra time to wrap everything up. Guys, I'm asking you-- please pick on me about getting stuff done. Stopping in the middle of a project decimates my motivation no matter the reason and despite my best intentions. Don't let me get away with slacking!

Current Music: Blue Seasons, Elysion

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Show up or shut up.

Cal didn’t want to take me to my 2 week followup, which is fine, except he said he would. And then pulled it back to, “Have Dad drop you off and I’ll pick you up.” To “Have Dad take you so you can go grocery shopping today.”

This would be disappointing enough. However, he told me later (like, 20 minutes ago) that he pulled up to his boss with, “Sorry, can’t do OT, I have to take [Joshua] to a doctor’s appointment.” And, like…? Am I being too terribly unreasonable for not wanting him to do that? Show up for me or stop using me as a get out of work free card. I don’t exist for your convenience! I only seem to exist to this guy when it’s convenient for him!

Anyway… I apparently have a unicorn diagnosis! The adenomyosis wasn’t a surprise to me (which leads me to question why it was a surprise to my surgeons, but I digress) but adenomyomas was, and my surgeons had never seen a case of it before in the wild. Educational for us all!

The surgeon who I saw today seemed very relieved that the pathology report was 100% benign, which… I already knew logically because I’m not dead yet? It’s been damn near 2 years since the problem was noticed. If there had been cancer, it would’ve killed me by now, I imagine. But her reaction to it kind of makes me wonder if they were spooked by the adenomyomas and didn’t immediately know what they were.

Okay. It’s 4 PM. Let’s go see how much writing I can get done before I give up.

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what are you playing wednesday

What Are You Playing Wednesday

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

Current Mood: excited

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Alice in Borderland

As Squid Game's season 3 is about to drop, I found myself hankering for an Alice in Borderland rewatch, so I decided to do that. They're both death game media, but I guess I'm in the mood for nightmare realm survival over capitalism critique.

I realized I never posted about AiB's season 2 here, and I can't really remember what all my thoughts were at the time, but I do recall being WAY more excited about the reveals of the face card games when I read the manga, and the TV show didn't hit that same level of whoa. Also, season 2 compressed a lot more manga content than season 1 did and had to add a new game for Usagi specifically (I get it, the manga's sexism doesn't do her any favours). I think there could've been two more seasons instead of one, but it was a better idea to only do one more season in order to complete the story instead of risking cancellation.

The cost is that the various face card games have to be simplified (which works for everything except the Jack of Hearts, IMO) and side character development has to be sacrificed. In the manga Arisu only plays the King of Clubs and Queen of Hearts, so we spend more time with new side characters, but you can't do that in a TV show format. On the flipside, the TV show does get rid of a lot of faff, drops the manga's focus on game strategy, integrates characters across games better, and follows its chosen emotional throughline about living well and survivor's guilt more closely than the manga's exploration of different themes.

I still enjoy the show but what I miss most of what was lost was the glimpse into the King of Spades, the only face card who isn't motivated by a sense of superiority over other players or a desire to play the games to their most extreme conclusion. He doesn't want to play at all, and that's super interesting to me! In the TV show the King of Spades is positioned into a boss fight figure who takes out most of the gang in order to leave Arisu and Usagi alone to handle the final Queen of Hearts game, so he's a shadowy military man who has been traumatized by the games, and that's all he needs to be.

But in the manga there's specificity in King of Spades having witnessed the horrendous suffering of someone he loved in the games and having to mercy kill them. In the aftermath he made a conscious decision to snipe other players as quickly as he can before they can suffer any more in the gamescape. But in rejecting the games and all its macabre rules (he is the only face card not constrained by an arena!), the King of Spades tragically becomes a face card himself, and it's a shame that in the TV show he's a terminator with no face until his last episode, and no interiority save a glimpse at the literal last moment. :( I love him as a character! He is a dark mirror to Arisu, driven by a corrupted hero complex that has him believing that a quick death at his hand is kinder than the torture of the games! But alas.

PS. What is my timing! I just found out that there's going to be a season 3, which I thought at first was a fan concept but nope, it's legitimately dropping in September this year. I'm tempted to read the manga sequel that covers Arisu's return to the Borderland, but it might be more fun to go in with no expectations whatsoever. I have read the Alice on Border Road manga though, and I wonder if season 3 will incorporate anything from there. If they do, I'm at least mostly confident that the show won't port over much of Border Road's increased violence against the female characters, wooff.

Also curious is that when I looked up responses to season 2, people thought that the season 2 finale was more open-ended than I interpreted it to be. Like, it was obvious to me that the Joker is the psychopomp running the Borderlands (a trickster in charge of games that are as vicious as they can be unfair? you don't say) and, following the previously established mechanism where upon clearing a game the equivalent card is revealed, that the reveal of the Joker card as the final shot means that the equivalent game has been cleared, i.e. the Borderlands as a whole. But what felt so obvious to me is not so to many people! And I guess season 3 will/may do something else with that.

PPS. Talk about a fandom that's difficult to get content that threads a fine line for my own enjoyment. :/ I enjoy the AiB games but am not that interested in game strategizing, and I love the cerebral elements of the show but I don't think it's that deep, either.

PPPS. I made the mistake of reading the comments on the season 3 teaser. Media literacy for this show is dire. (Not uniformly, there are people who get it, but there's so many confused comments about the s2 finale.)

(no subject)

I've got three or four bug bites of some kind on the back of my knee. They're very red and don't itch much. I have no recollection of getting them. I mean, I wear pants outside, so... I think I might've, like. Rolled over onto a spider in my sleep ._.

Current Music: The Flood, Take That

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Oh, tummy, stop

Every time I start moving around, I get incredible nauseous. I’ve got a boost soothe next to me but I feel too nauseous even for that.

But I’m gonna drink it, because I don’t like being nauseous.

I got virtually nothing done yesterday. I was depressed and feeling sorry for myself, really, with our financial situation being what it is. My insurance company pulled a foul one on us. For those of you who weren’t around, one of our vehicles gave up the ghost in March. It was expected, and we were trying to save for a new one, but we hadn’t quite gotten to the point where we could even save yet. A semi-wealthy friend loaned us the money for a down payment on a new one, and we put it on the insurance immediately. Of course we did. Can’t drive in NJ without insurance.

Except we weren’t BILLED for it. So I called them in April like, what what what. And they assured me it would be on the next bill.

Except we weren’t billed for it in May. I called them like, what what what. And I was promised that it did in fact include the new vehicle.

I argued. The bill was $128. There’s no fucking WAY two vehicles and life insurance was less than $130. Nope nope nope. I was wrong, it was on the bill.

Okay. Fine. It wasn’t on June’s bill, either.

Yesterday I got an email from my agent like, ”Hey, it wasn’t on April May or June, so we’re adding a bit to July August September to make it up.”

MOTHERFUCKER, THE PAYMENT IS NOW GOING TO BE $450. I am PISSED. I’m on fucking disability, which pays 80% of my base pay! It would’ve been hard to make that payment when I was working, it’s impossible right now!

Fortunately someone saw my plea for help on Tumblr and sent me $200, which doesn’t cover everything but gets us through July and helps with August. But I don’t understand why it’s so hard to get an insurance company that doesn’t act like this. We used to have Progressive and it took almost TEN CALLS to fix, “Hey, you have me down as a licensed driver and I’m not, I have a learner’s permit.” I don’t know. Is this just what to expect now? I get mistakes happen, but ten calls? Blatantly refusing to do any research on my issue to see that yeah, I’m being undercharged? Isn’t that their job?

Anyway, yeah. That was in the evening, so I can’t blame my low mood on that. But I’m going to try to actually get some stuff accomplished today.

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transformers

(no subject)

There was a Transformers fan stream today that I didn't watch because I was at work, as I am every time they do one of these streams. Like, I get it, Transformers Tuesday-- but can we do just one of these on a weekend, please??

Wasn't too fussed about the "reveals" anyway. We've had a lot of leaks these last few months. I still enjoy hearing the team talk about their process and future plans and it's kinda fun to see who guessed correctly about what would be revealed when but the artificial sense of urgency isn't there, y'know? The only thing I was really anticipating was SS Widowmaker going up for pre-order and I didn't have any expectation of the demand for her making that an issue. (Don't worry, I was right.) I'm not even sure I will bother to pre-order her. I think it's cool that she exists but I don't really care about the Bayverse, never mind dropped concepts from the Bayverse-- and that's exactly what she is. My only interest in getting her is based in wanting to customize her into a different character and it's not really a priority. Especially since I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a variant that's already the color I want.

I'll tell you what I definitely didn't expect was the fallout from something that wasn't even really announced. During the stream, there was a poll regarding one of the current lines. SS, or Studio Series, was originally a line for the movies-- the hint is in the name, see. Specifically, the lineup was live action movie characters. Somewhere along the way, though, it occurred to the folks at Hasbro that Transformers: The Movie the '86 animated feature is, y'know, also a movie. This led to the Studio Series '86 subline, which sought to present the most screen-accurate versions possible of the characters who appear in the movie. And also their corpses, where applicable. Now, this was a divisive move. Live action fans, who had been getting pushed more and more to the side, didn't like that "their" line was being used to push yet more G1, not least because not all live live action characters are yet accounted for. Many fans in general were also just kinda tired of seeing another excuse to pump out more G1 product. I'm in the middle, personally-- so much G1 is exhausting, yes, but also the toys are quite good and I do like those characters. And there have been rumors that the rather broad application of the word "studio" could eventually mean more sublines for other shows, games and even comics, so that could be cool.

Back to that poll. It was asked whether people would be interested in seeing "Studio Series '86" expand to include non-TFTM G1 characters. Specifically '84 (in other words, season one) characters, I believe. And the answer was overwhelmingly yes. And a lot of people have had very intense feelings about that. An important thing to note here is that SS 86 is not the only G1 or G1-heavy line at the moment. G1 has been the driving force behind retail product for years now. Even non-G1 characters being released in the last couple years have had a "but make it G1" design philosophy. My immediate reaction to even the possibility that we're going to get an explicitly G1 line is just, "Seriously?" So, yeah, I absolutely get the people who are sick of G1. Heck, I get the people who have been curating their definitive G1 collections only to be faced with better versions soon being offered so soon after the fact.

On the other hand. Listen. If we get an '84 line, it stands to reason that they'll expand into an '85 line. And that could mean a shot at a better Elita One than the last one we got in Legacy three years ago and new, better molds for her female Autobot team-- who all had the same or basically the same mold the last we saw of them in 2019. Maybe they'll even be good rather than simply kinda decent! I don't have high hopes of this, I grant you. But I don have hopes and so I just can't be totally mad about it.

Current Music: The Hurricane, Delain

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I’m exhausted.

I might go back to sleep after this.

So yesterday I had to deal with two collections accounts, one of which was mine, although I’ve never gotten a bill (I know the testing was done, they just. Didn’t give me a bill, and I can’t pay what I don’t have a bill for).

The other was not, and I’m getting really pissed with the guy who had this phone number before me not paying his bills.

In other news, Cal put his phone on snooze RIGHT BY MY EAR this morning, which wasn’t fun.

Yeah. I’m going back to sleep.

(no subject)

There is no way people still trust ceasefire agreements with Israel, like come on. I'm not sure there's even an agreement to speak of-- I've seen like four or five different accounts of the goings-on now, Idk-- but even if there is, does it matter? We all know this song and every verse is the same as the first.

Current Music: I Am Made Of You, Alice Cooper

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Well well.

If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.

I’m a bit sore today, aggravated by the fact that I’m wearing jeans and not my comfy pants. I don’t strictly need to wear them, but I want to be dressed and not in pajamas.

I played Breath of Fire 3 for five hours yesterday. I use autobattle as timer to play mobile games; playing the mobile game while the battle is running, that is. It works for me, but there was an event in one of them that my partners refused to participate in, and I really wanted the prize for finishing, so that’s what I spent my afternoon on.

In other news, I cannot get comfortable. My right side feels like it’s being pulled forward and I don’t know why. This is going to make writing very difficult.

(no subject)

Very busy day today, as expected. Slept in later than I meant to but Idk if I would've finished anyway. Probably not. I know I've said this before but I always forget now much little stuff I have until I try to get everything sorted out.

My plan to move a bookcase into the closet was stymied by the fact that, as usual, I forgot to take into account the closet shelving. Which is weird since I use that shelving but such is my brain, I suppose. The shelf stuck out like an inch and a half too far for the plan to be viable, alas. So, I broke the bookcase down into roughly half it's size and stuck that in the closet. I then took the rest of it apart and set the boards aside for now. The two shelves will be used for my other, matching bookcase but Idk what to do with the two side boards. I'm thinking of getting some brackets and repurposing them but I'm not sure where I'd put them... Still, I'd hate to throw them away.

I filled the closet half-bookcase and I'm working on clearing as much as I can from the remaining bookcase so I can use it as a display case as planned. I've been able to consolidate a lot so far. I cleared all that closet shelf space when I rearranged before and I think I can comfortably fit most or even all of my stuff there now. Just gotta get everything in order Still facing the usual issue of having to work around things I'm not keeping. I put a lot of stuff aside for Goodwill that I probably should've sent off to Goodwill last time I cleaned, lol. Also facing the issue of knowing where I want certain things to be put away but not having a storage solution available yet. Gonna be haunting Marketplace for a while.

Crochet didn't end up happening in between everything like I'd hoped it would but I did make pasta sauce and vegetable stock and both came out tasting really good. Haven't decided which to use for dinner tomorrow but I don't think there's a wrong answer, so I'm not too fussed.

Current Music: I Am Made of You, Alice Cooper

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I’m gonna lay down and perish now

I went with Cal to grocery shop this morning. I won’t call it a mistake, but I’m feeling it now. Almost 2000 steps where for the last week and a half, I’ve gotten MAYBE 500 a day.

I’m hoping that I’ll be okay enough to go for 2-5 minute walks every day this coming week. We’re still under an extreme heat warning, but 5 minutes should be too dangerous.

My hands hurt terribly for some reason, which is weird, because I haven’t really been using them as much as I usually do. Have I? In any event, maybe today will be a reading day. I’m working on To Shape A Dragon’s Breath by Moniquill Blackgoose. It’s good so far, but I’m reading it slowly, because the chapters are short and I’ve been stopping after a chapter.

Oh, I also managed a shower last night. I just washed my hair and got out, as I’m not comfortable getting soap on the incisions yet. Still, it was nice to rinse off, at least. I’m going to be doing that every day, hopefully, and next week soaping up.

I’m gonna go… well… write. I still want to get my words down for the day, pain be damned.

(no subject)

Okay, I. I'm gonna just ignore the elephant in the room. Just for now, y'know.

So! Berries were indeed very good and I look forward to getting more. Didn't get to the farmers market as early as hoped and it was pretty crowded already even though it wasn't late either. Was able to get everything on my shopping list except herbs; the booth I like for them just had way too long of a line and it was nasty hot by then. My heart goes out to anyone who didn't have somewhere to escape the heat.

The day flew by without much of anything getting done, unfortunately. My A/C isn't great and so I wasn't much inclined towards the kind of work I hoped to get done. Sister stayed over longer than she meant to as well, so I didn't even get a lot of reading done. Made up a to-do list for tomorrow, though, and I'm trying to psyche myself up for it.

I made a decision on how to finish that one scrap blanket and I'll work on that between bigger tasks tomorrow. Should have that done this week, I think. I also offered to make some home decor for my brother and sister-in-law as a housewarming gift, so I need to choose patterns for that.

Current Music: Ashes of Eden, Breaking Benjamin

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Ugh, me.

I was “in bed” by 8. Didn’t go to sleep until after midnight. I was too busy getting mad at transphobes and classists on facebook. I have to stop doing that.

I am, needless to say, exhausted.

But I am dressed, and I went down the stairs to make my breakfast; Dad’s going to go out to buy a gift card with his Home Depot card so we can get groceries. Because the disability system is ridiculous and thinks it’s reasonable for someone to go almost a month with no income because we’ll get the money eventually. Like, that’s not how the real world works. At all. I feel REALLY bad for people who need to be on permanent disability. (Or “long term” disability. Like, no. Some people are permanently disabled and deserve to be left in peace without being harassed by constant “assessments”. Deal with it.)

My watch wants me to get just 1400 steps today, because I’ve been so inactive. I am itching to go for a walk, but I don’t think I’ll be doing that this week. There’s an *extreme* heat warning. Not excessive. *Extreme*. I don’t think it would be SAFE for me to go for a walk in those conditions.

I’m gonna try to do some exercises with Finch, though. See how that goes.

(no subject)

My sister realized that her fiancé's work has a ton of blackberry bushes in the back. She picked a bunch of berries the other day and we picked a bunch more tonight after I got off work. I've got my haul soaking now and I'm planning to at them for breakfast with some cream~ We're planning to get some plants pots and clip a few stems to propagate our own bushes. Or, well, she is. I don't have a yard to put bushes in. Granted, the woods are right there but Idk how to tell if these are an invasive variety or not. More's the pity.

Current Music: Mirror of Night, Delain

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Ugh.

I was in bed by 8:30 last night. I’ve just been so tired, and in a LOT of pain. I don’t understand why it’s getting worse and not better.

I also realized my glasses were across the room the moment after I got comfortable. I’m hoping to hold out until Dad gets up and can bring them to me. I might not be able to do that, though. Not because I need my glasses, but if I need to get up for anything.

So I was copying a book into digital format. It’s out of print and not anywhere in ebook format, and my copy is in tatters. And I can’t read physical books anymore, holding them hurts my hands. So I figured, turning it into an ebook for my own use is fair. I’m not sharing it, and I’m not selling it or claiming it as mine.

Well. I lost it. I really didn’t want to buy another copy of the damned thing (This is the… 5th or 6th copy I’ve lost) but I was so close to finishing it. Le sigh.

I’m gonna go do my writing and then play some video games.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: (G)I-DLE - My Bag

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The Devil's Plan (& Genius Game UK)

Partway through watching The Devil's Plan season 1, I did a quick search on youtube for TDP-related content to get an idea if TDP is/was popular. The algorithm fed me a video by

TaranArmstrong commentating over Genius Game, a UK version of the original The Genius, which I forgot existed but at least knew existed at all because David Tennant is the "host". (Not really, he's in prerecorded video footage explaining the games and tallying results, but he's not physically there to host.)

I watched bits of Taran's videos and really enjoyed his commentary! He has a good handle on strategy and figuring out game mechanics to explain them in ways that I can understand (a blessing!), plus he has a good grip on the social aspects of the game. Most important though, I think, is that Taran's enthusiasm is nice and he gets invested in a fun-to-watch way, with good humour, and it's fun to see him so critical of Genius Game's mostly wishy-washy players and the UK audience's dislike of complicated games. The reason the algo fed me his videos is because he mentions that he loved TDP season 1 and wants to do commentary over TDP season 2. He couldn't upload the videos to youtube, so he put them on patreon instead, so I figured hey, once I started watching TDP season 2, I can intersperse that with his commentary videos.

TDP season 2 I think starts strong, there's a good selection of contestants, some of whom are well familiar with board games and/or card games, and the showrunners changed the format up where instead of two players going to prison at the end of every main match, half the players would go there, and instead of a prize match that all the non-prison players have to play to get prize money, there's a death match where all the prison players have to play to survive. Plus because the thing about season 1 was the hidden prison game, both sets of players immediately get on trying to figure out the hidden games in both areas, which are found pretty early in the season.

Unfortunately as the season went on, the flaw in the overall game design had an accumulative effect, and I found myself enjoying the show less and less, and ended up mostly (though not always) watching Taran's commentaries instead of the actual episodes. I bailed entirely in episode 10 of 12. I might go back, I might not, but it's just not fun anymore.

( Cut the rest for length. )